Why I am an atheist (Part 2)

I was heavily in doubt about my faith by the time I was in the 6th grade. I attended Cathecism and church regularly. But it was to no avail. Nothing what the priests and teachers ever said answered questions I had, about life, existence, heaven or hell, etc. I just couldn't wrap my head around how an all knowing, all powerful god, could exist when there was death and destruction all around me.

One of the starkest memories of this time was when I was passing a road accident along the highway, the bodies were being laid along the side of the road, women and children. The sight haunted me and it reminded me of my own mortality. I tried to rationalize it by imagining these people went to heaven, but the concept of heaven made no sense. My child mind at the time asked a childish question, that I have never received a satisfactory answer from anyone who supports the concept of heaven, "What was I supposed to do in heaven for eternity?" Think about it, human beings are terribly fickle and are never satisfied with any one activity, why would heaven be different? So what were people to do for eternity? The fact that the concept of heaven can be defeated by such a childish question, is indicative on how absurd the idea of heaven is.

I was considering changing faiths, maybe joining Hinduism or Islam by this time, but I was saved from such a fate, by a animated Japanese TV show called Full Metal Alchemist. It follows two brothers who are orphaned at a young age and tells their story as they try to survive in brutal fascist dictatorship of an imaginary country. One episode when I was in the 7th grade had a confrontation between them and a charlatan priest. In this episode he asks them which God they believe in and they gave a reply that struck me, they tell him they don't believe in any gods. Before that day atheism was never known to me, after that day I found something I could resonate with, concerning my beliefs anyway and that was a belief in the non-existence of no divinity. I learnt that I did not have to believe in one of the other religion but I could choose the none option. It was an eye opener for me. The scene has stayed engraved in my mind till this day.

This is the importance of the media plays in introducing new ideas. Most of the time television is useless but every now and then it can introduce new ideas and for this I am appreciative.

I began researching into atheism from that the day. The internet helped a lot. I read books and articles from men and women like Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Gora, Nietzche, PB Shelly, etc.
I still however remained agnostic and still attended mass and Cathecism diligently.

My full de-conversion into atheism happened much later. But these incidents and access to information via the TV and Internet played an important role shaping my beliefs.